Fairy Tale Tattler: Beauty's Sleepless Nights!

The latest edition of Fairy Tale Tattler has the inside scoop on that famous sleeping beauty, Aurora. After her hunky prince of a husband awakened her with true love's kiss, it seems that the princess was not content simply to live happily ever after in the lap of luxury. Never one to shy away from manual labor, Aurora set herself to work clearing the grounds of the underbrush which had overtaken the grounds of the palace during her one hundred year nap. She did not stop to consider the possibility that a cup of strong coffee might be a good way to begin this industrious project, especially after such a sound snooze.

Unfortunately, lacking the valuable "manual dexterity" and "common sense" genes, our fair princess pricked her finger again, this time on the thorny vines surrounding the palace. Her cries of pain could be heard throughout the kingdom as Aurora dropped her pruning shears and dashed off to the palace walk-in clinic, terrified of falling into yet another multi-year slumber.
Interestingly enough, however, the palace doctor found that Aurora's body had acquired an extreme immunity against future finger-pricking episodes. The frustrating result of this immunity is one hundred years of sleepless days and nights!

In an attempt to pass the time, Aurora has been hard at work developing a new line of designer garden gloves. In order to ensure that the gloves live up to the "pierce-proof" guarantee, she has hired an elite squad of seamstresses to spin the fibers tightly on custom designed high-tech spinning wheels.

In her efforts to catch a nap, poor Aurora has tried every possible sleep-inducing remedy, including warm milk, hot baths, Ambien, melatonin, and C-SPAN reruns. She even purchased a herd of Serta counting sheep, who are reportedly happy and relieved to be working full time on the palace staff. So far, it seems that the only option left for Aurora is simply to wait. She is becoming increasingly irritable, demanding that the prince stay awake and keep her company. One of the sheep, speaking on the condition of anonymity, related that the prince sneaks out of the palace on occasional afternoons, catching a few winks in the sheep quarters while they cover for him by entertaining the princess with their ballroom dancing routines. We can only hope that the royal marriage is strong enough to withstand this tragic turn of events.

We’ll keep you posted!

Illustration Friday Topic: Poof!! Snow White Sued!!!

I can't begin to tell you how thrilled I was to see today's Illustration Friday topic!! Poof! That's what happened to poor Snow White's fairy tale. As you can see, poor Snow's troubles have been splashed all over the latest edition of that dastardly gossip rag, Fairy Tale Tattler.

No happily ever afters for her! Oh yes, she married her prince, and together they built themselves a very lucrative apple growing business. The first thing she did was hire those "adorable" dwarfs. You'd think they would be excited about that, especially with the benefits package that Snow offered. But Noooooo! Those ungrateful scoundrels apparently feel that they should not have to work for a living, in view of the fact that they saved Snow White's life and all.

Allowing themselves to be influenced by crotchety old Grumpy, those guys hired Mr. B.B. Wolf, a crooked, publicity-crazed attorney with significant ties to the darkling woods. Notorious for taking on frivolous lawsuits, and seeing dollar signs himself, he pounced on the case. Before she knew what hit her, Snow White found herself accused of running an apple juice sweatshop. Mr. Wolf, loving the sound of his own voice, even went so far as to howl about Snow White being "fair of face, but unfair in her treatment of employees".

As you can expect, these events have resulted in frequent fainting spells on the part of poor Snow White. It is rumored that she has even taken to sipping apple juice that has fermented a bit too long. The lone remaining dwarf, Happy, stays loyally by her side, grinning like a Cheshire cat as he guzzles that apple juice right along with her.

Check back for updates on this developing story.

Prints of this mock magazine cover are for sale in my Etsy shop. Please feel free to message me if you need a larger size.