Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Fairy Tale Tattler-Dorothy Exposed as Alien Imposter!

Fairy Tale Tattler has breaking details on the eerie disappearance, and even eerier re-appearance of Kansas resident, Dorothy Gayle. Dorothy was missing and feared dead in the aftermath of a devastating F3 tornado. An extensive search was eventually called off after no sign of Dorothy was found, leaving Poor Auntie Em and Uncle Henry no choice but to have Dorothy declared legally dead.

The couple managed to cope with their grief by occupying themselves with the reconstruction of their heavily damaged farm, made easier by the large life insurance policy paid to them following Dorothy's untimely demise. They reportedly managed to find a silver lining in their cloud of despair by using a portion of the life insurance money to pay off their sub-prime adjustable rate mortgage on the farm.

Understandably, it came as quite a shock to both of them when a large multi-colored object came floating to the ground out of the clear blue sky. Inside this object was an organism in human form, claiming to be none other than Dorothy Gayle herself!

She maintains that she has been somewhere "way up high" for the past several weeks. Authorities are in the process of conducting drug tests, to determine what, if any, illicit substance could be causing this "high". Although the young girl has passed several polygraph exams, as well as a DNA test, Auntie Em is adamant that this could not possibly be "her Dorothy". She has been quoted as saying , "My Dorothy had a distinctive pasty gray complexion. This girl's cheeks are far too rosy. She is definitely an imposter!" The family farm is scheduled to be auctioned next week, in order to repay the insurance money.

Check back for updates on this developing story.

(Visit my Etsy shop to purchase prints of this mock magazine cover.)

Saturday, August 9, 2008

The Colorful Moods Of Women: A Handy Reference Guide For Confused Men

Okay, let's face it, ladies. Sometimes we are tough to figure out. Of course, it goes without saying that most of the men in our lives could try a little harder. For those men who are actually making the effort to interpret the complexities of the female gender, here is a handy little ACEO. Call it a cheat card, if you will. ACEOs are tiny, 2.5" x 3.5" pieces of art that fit easily into a wallet. Encourage the man in your life to carry this and refer to it often, especially when he finds himself in the doghouse without having a clue as to how he managed to land there.
Make sure you print out these instructions and give them to your favorite male. The card won't do him much good if he doesn't know what to do with the information now, will it?

1-Green With Envy: Somebody has something that the lady in your life wants. Find out what it is, and get it for her quickly. Or, even better, get the updated version.

2-A Case of the Blues: Sometimes women just get this. Take her out to dinner, COOK dinner (while remembering to clean up after yourself), hand over the remote control and bathe the kids while she watches her favorite show for a change. These suggestions might not cure the blues, but they sure can't hurt.
*** Whatever you do, DON'T ask her if she's "hormonal". Even if she is, she doesn't want to talk about it with you.***

3-Seeing Red: Need I say more? Something, or somebody, has made her mad!!!!! Just apologize, sincerely, even if you aren't the offending party. Then get out of the way.

4-In the Pink: When you see this face, the coast is clear, all is well, everything is just peachy. Try hard not to mess up, okay?

Friday, August 8, 2008

Illustration Friday Topic: Sail!


This painting was part of a series that I did a while back, during a point when I was in dire need of a vacation, but lacking funds to actually take a trip. I called the series "Virtual Vacation", and let my imagination take me to some beautiful, exotic places.

Hope you can smell the salt air and feel the cool evening breeze against your face! Don't forget your sunblock tomorrow. It's forecast to be another scorcher!

Monday, August 4, 2008

Fairy Tale Tattler- Rapunzel's New Look!

You asked for it! Here it is; the latest and juiciest edition of "Fairy Tale Tattler"!

Today's issue features an exclusive on the life of that lovely princess, Rapunzel. After years of sporting those long, silky locks, the single mother of twins finally consented to a complete makeover by none other than Stacy and Clinton, the fashion gurus at The Learning Channel.

They found Rapunzel to be a willing participant, even going so far as to wield the scissors herself when the time came to chop off those frequently-climbed tresses. A quick shampoo and a touch of mousse is now all she needs to style her short and sassy 'do. Reportedly, the only request that Rapunzel made was that all of her new clothing items be in shades of purple, to reflect her status as a royal.

The experience proved to be so rewarding that Rapunzel decided, with the assistance of TLC designers, to make over her tower apartment into a funky urban loft! Despite the objections of TLC staff, Rapunzel insisted on using her ribboned ponytail as a wall hanging. She was overheard in heated discussions with production crews saying, "You ya-hoos have slapped everything from mud to hay to feathers on the walls in people's homes. It's my hair and it's going on the wall!!!!!" She loves the look, and says the hair on the wall makes "a unique conversation piece".

Apparently both segments ended on a positive note, because Rapunzel will be joining the cast of the immensely popular makeover show this fall. Stay tuned!

Friday, August 1, 2008

Illustration Friday Topic: Poof!! Snow White Sued!!!

I can't begin to tell you how thrilled I was to see today's Illustration Friday topic!! Poof! That's what happened to poor Snow White's fairy tale. As you can see, poor Snow's troubles have been splashed all over the latest edition of that dastardly gossip rag, Fairy Tale Tattler.

No happily ever afters for her! Oh yes, she married her prince, and together they built themselves a very lucrative apple growing business. The first thing she did was hire those "adorable" dwarfs. You'd think they would be excited about that, especially with the benefits package that Snow offered. But Noooooo! Those ungrateful scoundrels apparently feel that they should not have to work for a living, in view of the fact that they saved Snow White's life and all.

Allowing themselves to be influenced by crotchety old Grumpy, those guys hired Mr. B.B. Wolf, a crooked, publicity-crazed attorney with significant ties to the darkling woods. Notorious for taking on frivolous lawsuits, and seeing dollar signs himself, he pounced on the case. Before she knew what hit her, Snow White found herself accused of running an apple juice sweatshop. Mr. Wolf, loving the sound of his own voice, even went so far as to howl about Snow White being "fair of face, but unfair in her treatment of employees".

As you can expect, these events have resulted in frequent fainting spells on the part of poor Snow White. It is rumored that she has even taken to sipping apple juice that has fermented a bit too long. The lone remaining dwarf, Happy, stays loyally by her side, grinning like a Cheshire cat as he guzzles that apple juice right along with her.

Check back for updates on this developing story.

Prints of this mock magazine cover are for sale in my Etsy shop. Please feel free to message me if you need a larger size.